Conquoring Toddler Bullying Behavior
August 8, 2010 by Elizabeth Donovan, M. A.
Filed under Behavior, Hot Pink Topic
By: Elizabeth Donovan, M.A.
I vividly remember the horrifying moment at the playground with my then 3-year-old daughter when I witnessed a child push her off the slide. To make matters worse, the child called her a “gross poopy girl.” Yes, I know it’s not the worst name in the world, but it was enough to startle her – and me. Thankfully my daughter rebounded by standing her ground and saying, “My name isn’t poopy girl, it’s Kathleen!”
Though my daughter survived her bulling encounter, some children aren’t as fortunate. Understandably, it’s difficult for toddlers to stand up to bullies. But it can be even more of a dilemma when parents witness this behavior. Do you stand there? Do you jump in and scream at the other kid? Do you confront the bully’s parent? Do you do all of the above and then some?
Bullying can be both detrimental and painful for any child, so be sure to take the appropriate action. Try these toddler playground tips to ward off the bullies.
Bring Down the Bully:
• Step in immediately. If you see your daughter being bullied, get involved immediately. Sometimes aggressive behavior is caused by a misunderstanding or jealousy over a toy. By calmly redirecting the children to share, future fighting may be avoided.
• Talk to your daughter. In a reassuring voice, let her know that the other child’s behavior is NOT ok. Tell her that the other child’s parents will deal with his/her behavior, but right now, she is your only concern.
• Determine the cause, if possible. It’s not always possible to determine the cause before you take action, but it’s a good idea to hear both sides of the story. In the case of my daughter, she was pushed off the slide, which required immediate intervention on my part. But ask questions only after you make sure she’s alright and the situation is under control.
• Deal with the other parent. Most parents will discipline their child if they witness them being aggressive or disrespectful. But don’t count on it. Make sure the other parent knows what is going on. This can be a difficult task, so use your best judgment based on the severity of the bullying. For example, if your daughter is badly hurt or emotionally traumatized, you should tell the other child’s parent immediately and allow them to handle their child’s behavior.
Confronting the other parent serves two purposes:
1. It provides good role modeling for your daughter. She knows that you are willing to stand up for her and protect her. Thus, she will learn to protect herself by watching how you handle difficult situations.
2. It puts the other parent on notice that this behavior is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it. Sometimes other parents will make a point to stop their child from bullying if they know you will intervene.
• Remember the golden rule. No matter how tempting it is, resist disciplining a child that is not your own. Yelling or saying something to the aggressive child usually only escalates the situation. And never, put your hands on another child. Not only does it set a bad example for your daughter, but it can lead to severe consequences for you and your family.
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- Bullying the Bully
- The Bully in Pigtails: Girls and Bullying
- Good Touch vs. Bad Touch: Teach your daughter to protect herself against child abuse
- Who’s the Boss? Setting Appropriate Limits with Your Toddler
- Is Your Daughter a Tattle Tale?
Very good post. For kids that age, its good to hang back and see whats actually going on and how your kid is going to handle it. But if your kid is in over their head, you definitely need to step in. You cant touch another person’s kid, but you might have to thump the bully’s parent.