What’s a Parent to Do? Dealing with Your Troubled Teen

By: Laura Day.

Where Did We Go Wrong?

Somewhere along the way, parents and teens have forgotten the difference between rights and privileges. As parents, we live such busy lives just trying to support our family that we feel guilty about not being able to spend as much time with our teen as we should. To make up for this guilt, we give our teens whatever they want; whenever they want it; whether they deserve it or not. It’s time for parents to start being the parent again and stop feeling guilty.

According to Child Protective Services (CPS), your teen has a right to have a roof over his/her head, 2 sets of clean clothing, nutritious food, medical care, and an abuse-free home. CPS does not require parents to supply any extra amenities, such as: TV, CD’s, DVD’s, XBox, iPod/MP3 players, cell phones, computers, a driver’s license, designer clothing, a car, allowance, dance lessons, sports, and their favorite snacks. These are privileges, not rights. Parents need to understand that they often provide more than what is required for their daughters and to stop feeling guilty.

My Story.

After my daughter failed the 7th grade twice, I realized she was in trouble. I decided to remove her from some of her destructive friendships. I sent her to live with her grandmother, and sometimes her dad, and I enrolled her in a Christian school there. Did she like it? No! She was very mad, but this wasn’t about what she wanted. My daughter lost her right to choose when she started doing drugs and engaging in other dangerous behavior.

The only problem with moving her to her father and grandmother’s house was that I lost complete control of the situation. Her grandmother trusted her too much, and she gave my daughter more freedom than she could handle. Things got worse instead of better. After my daughter almost overdosed on Triple C, I put her in rehab. After a lot of praying and after rehab, I decided to leave her in the the Christian school since her grades had improved, but I brought her back home to live with me. It turned out to be more work for me, having to drive her 30 minutes to school every morning before going to work, but as parents we have to do whatever it takes to keep our teens safe.

Signs of a Troubled Teen:

• Your teenage daughter becomes more secretive.
• She disregards house rules.
• She is often defiant towards you, teachers or other adults in positions of authority.
• Your daughter is easily agitated, routinely uses profanity, and shows disrespect.
• She has regular, sudden outbursts of anger that seem unreasonable for the event that caused the anger.
• Your teenager routinely misses curfew and lies about her whereabouts.
• Your daughter has suddenly changed her peer group and hasn’t made an effort to let you meet her new friends. In addition, your daughter’s new choice of friends has led to a distinct change in her appearance and attitude (more sullen, defiant, hostile).
• She has stolen money from you.
• Your daughter’s grades have suddenly dropped and she has lost interest in activities she once loved.
• You discover your teen using drugs and/or alcohol.

Tips for Parents:

• Express your love. Always let your daughter know you love her no matter what she does and no matter what kind of trouble she gets into. She needs to know that she can always count on you to be there.

• If you expect your teen to live by certain standards, you have got to mirror those same standards. That old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work. Believe it or not, your teen looks to you for guidance. A dad who chugs a case of beer on the weekend, can’t tell his daughter “don’t drink” and expect her to listen.

• Never back down when it comes to the rules you have established. Your teen will try to push the limits. Be ready for it, and stand your ground. Teens need consistency and rules in their lives and it’s your job to make sure you “say what you mean and do what you say.”

• Invest your time. Parents need to spend quality time with their teen to establish a solid, trusting relationship. Quality is more important than quantity.

• Be aware of your daughter’s struggles. Chances are, she won’t ask for help. It is vital that teens have hands-on parents who can recognize potential problems and help their teen deal with these situations before there is a crisis.

• Get professional help when needed. Do realize, there are times you may have to seek professional help for your teen. Some of these problems are more than a parent is capable of handling alone.

• Don’t ever give up on your daughter. Be patient, no matter how hard it is. Luckily, this too will pass.

Please realize, I’m not an expert, but this is what worked for me in helping my daughter through her troubled teen years. She is now 20, in college, and doing well.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Ms. Day is a single mom of 2 girls, working full-time as a medical transcriptionist, and in college studing to be a special education teacher. To read more of her work, please visit her site, Ziggy’s Blogs.

Sources:

www.4troubledteens.com
www.troubledteensinfo.com

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