The Best Insurance for Raising Safe and Happy Daughters

By Paula Statman, M.S.S.W.

Love is more than a wonderful gift to give your daughter; it’s also good insurance. Showing your love tells her that she is worthy of love and respect and shapes her expectations of how others treat her.

A girl who feels loved is less likely to look for love in the wrong placesfrom the wrong people. It’s been documented that girls who feel loved don’t accept affection from just anyone who offers it. They accept it from those who respect them and their boundaries. This is particularly important as girls reach the “dating age.”

Girls who have an unwavering belief that they are loveable and worthwhile know they don’t have to “earn” someone’s love by doing something they don’t want to do. On the other hand, children who are hungry for affection are more likely to believe they don’t deserve to be loved and that love has a price tag.

So, telling our daughters we love them every single day—including those days when we question why we became parents—is good insurance. It makes our daughters less vulnerable to being exploited. It shows them that they are treasured and worth treasuring. It makes them feel cherished and special. And that’s how we want them to feel when they go out the door.

Examples of how to express your love and appreciation anytime, anywhere:

Things you can say:

• I love you.
• I am so lucky that you are mine.
• I’m so proud of you.
• You are very special to me.
• I love spending time with you.

Things you can do:

• Show your pleasure. Let your daughter know that parenting is something you enjoy, not a dreary chore that exhausts you. Take good care of yourself so that you have the time and energy to be the kind of parent you want to be.

• Learn about your daughter. You are an important observer of your children’s behavior and the person they turn to when they have questions and concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable in this role, consider taking parenting classes.

• Appreciate her special qualities. These include personality traits that make your daughter a good human beings, like kindness, intelligence or compassion for others. Appreciate how unique she is.

• Care about and get involved with her interests. Whether it’s school, soccer, ballet or other activities – the more your daughter sees your interest, the better she’ll feel about herself. Show up in your daughter’s life as her number one fan!

• Take time to listen to your daughter wholeheartedly, without distraction. Being listened to and understood is something all children want. Be a parent your daughter can come to who listens, understands, and believes them. This kind of attention is worth its weight in gold.

• Spend time one-on-one with your daughter. Make a date, schedule it and don’t postpone it due to work or other demands in your life. Make this time a regular thing, rather than a special occurrence. Time invested now will bring major returns in the long run.

• Celebrate your child. Look for creative ways to send the message that you feel like the luckiest parent in the world. Make a big deal of your daughter, without spending a ton of money. The key is to find fun ways to share joy and laughter in your relationship and show how much you appreciate and cherish her.

There are many ways to show your love and appreciation. Remember, the more you show, the happier and safer your daughter will be.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Paula Statman offers advice for Raising Uncommonly Wise Kids with Common Sense Wisdom. An award-winning author, speaker and media guest expert, Paula provides practical tips and hope to parents and professionals who work with children. For more articles and information about her books and speaking topics, visit www.kidwisecorner.com.

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