Inspiration for a New Year with Your Daughter

By: Elizabeth Donovan, M.A.

A new year is upon us and with it 2010 brings an opportunity to reflect on the relationships we have with our children. For many, the past year has marked financial hardship, parenting challenges, and difficult personal choices as well as success, laughter, and joy. Along with the occasional bumps in the road, there are glimmers of hope and new ways to find meaning in your life. Whatever the past year has brought for you and your family, a new year opens the door for new opportunities, new challenges, and new ways to build a strong, loving relationship with your daughter.

Make 2010 the best year yet for you and your family by implementing these tips for building a happy, healthy relationship with each other:

1. Do something new together. With the new year comes a chance for you to find unique and fun ways to bond with your daughter. Whether she’s 4 or 14, girls benefit from the challenge of trying something new and exciting and so do their parents! Go hiking, fishing, sledding, or take an art class together. Trying an new activity or sport will provide moments of giggling, a tad bit of anxiety, and lots of memories. Who knows, maybe you both will discover something you can continue to do together through the years.

2. Set reasonable “New Year’s Resolutions” together. Teach your daughter to set goals for herself and achieve them by making a list with her for the upcoming year. Learning to set priorities and goals will help boost her self confidence and motivates children and parents alike to renew long-forgotten hopes and dreams. Make sure that the goals you and your daughter set are reasonable (if your sixteen year old aspires to make it big on Broadway, perhaps begin with singing lessons). Throughout the year, try to take a few minutes to check-in with each other about the goals you’ve set. Teenage girls are very good at holding parents accountable, so make sure you are reaching for your goals too!

3. Take trips together. A trip together doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive, but it does have to be meaningful for both of you. If you have a toddler, take her to the zoo, library, or a theme park. If you have a teenager, try something that interests her like a day trip to New York, a favorite museum, or an IMAX movie. Getting away together, even if it’s only for a couple of hours, gives parents a priceless opportunity to learn about their children – their likes and dislikes, their interests and disinterests, even their favorite foods and clothing. These insights provide the building blocks needed to sustain a strong relationship with your child by creating lasting memories and an opportunity to get to know your daughter ‘as a unique person.’

4. Agree to disagree. Girls of all ages have tantrums, they just present in different forms. Whether it’s your 3-year-old screaming at the top her her lungs or your 15-year-old yelling and slamming her bedroom door, there are moments that are best left alone. As parents, we certainly will not agree with every decision our teenage daughter makes or with our preschoolers insistent demands for ice cream, but either way, we can benefit from ‘choosing our battles’ wisely and agreeing to disagree when it comes to certain situations. After all, less stress on mom and dad means less stress on children- making for a closer family connection.

5. Make dinnertime a priority. Once upon a time 9-5 jobs allowed parents generations ago to sit down for dinner together every night. Naturally, times have changed and getting the family together for a dinner can be a challenge at best. It’s important for parents to try to set aside at least two-three nights a week where family members eat dinnertogether. Not only does dinnertime provide families a time to catch up with each other but it studies have shown that teens who eat dinner with their families fewer than 3 times a week are more likely to use alcohol, prescription drugs, marijuana, and cigarettes. Making time to eat dinner as a family can be difficult, but it’s well worth the effort.

6. Volunteer. Encourage your daughter to volunteer or do charity work in the new year. Teaching your daughter to “give back” is one of the most valuable gifts you can instill in your children. Better yet, make it a ‘team’ effort and volunteer together.

7. Listen more and judge less. It’s easy for all of us to make snap judgments. Our society dictates the ‘norms’ of today and when behavior falls outside of those norms, we get caught up in the hype – and so do our daughters. Start by listening more to your daughter – especially when she’s a teenager. If she makes a mistake along the way (as all teenagers do) try not to instantly judge her. There may be a deeper reason underneath her sassy exterior that is worth exploring. By beginning with your own child, you will teach yourself to be less judging of others – a lesson your daughter will witness and integrate into her own life.

8. It’s the little things that really matter. Life can easily throw us a curve ball when we least expect it. Learning to appreciate the little things and teaching your daughter to do so helps build resilience and self-esteem. Laugh a little more and cry a little less. Take a second look at the beautiful roses that just bloomed and the sunset that paints the sky violet and pink. So many times as adults we forget that despite the hardships that exist in our world, there is beauty among us that is just waiting for us to share it with our children.

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