Rank and File: The Teen Girl “Ranking System.”

By: Elizabeth Donovan, M.A.

As adults, we’re used to the rank & file world we live in. Professionals check to see where they rank in organizations. The media keeps tabs on where it ranks in Neilson and viewer ratings. Bloggers and website owners keep their fingers crossed that their Google Page Rank will continue to increase. Things are really ‘good’ among us when our rankings go up. And when they go down? So does our self-esteem – something that studies have shown is closely tied with ‘winning’ and ‘losing’ in the field of life.

Rank and file behavior is usually transparent in nature. We see the rankings, know where we stand, and figure out a way to make it better. Adults are used to dealing with situations that call for rank – even the military has it’s order – and so we learn to live with an accept “pecking order” as a part of human nature.

But about when ‘rankings’ make their ways into playgrounds and schools? When they begin to dramatically effect the lives and chip-away at children’s self esteem? Unlike adults, children developmentally are not ready to deal with the highs and lows our rank system brings. It can be argued that many times, adults aren’t either, however it’s clear children have the most to lose. Specifically, preteens and teenage girls.

Along with the advent of the computer and internet came both praise and punishment. Teens can now surf the net for important information vital to book reports and term papers. They can catch up with friends and family via Twitter or email and keep track of their checkbook online. Certainly technology has advanced our daughters and brought them a wealth of knowledge and socialization at their fingertips. Yet, parents should not ignore the pitfalls of such technology. There is often a price to pay when it comes to handing children the world around them on a silver screen. Rank and file is one of them.

Recently I learned of a new, shocking trend meant to further tear down our daughters self-esteem. It’s called “ranking” and unfortunately it gives rank and file a whole new meaning. A tween recently confided that the ‘popular girls’ in her Middle School ‘rank’ the girls in their grade according to beauty, skinniness, and how many boys like them. Until a few weeks ago they’d been using social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook to rank seventh and eight grade girls, but decided to pull the files for fear of discovery by a school official. This group of ‘mean girls’ now posts the rankings in the schools bathroom along with a year book photo of each girl and a ‘numerical’ rank beside her picture. The ranking lists are periodically taken down to avoid detection by school personnel, but reappear in the girl’s bathrooms often. The tween who relayed this information to me said she was ‘near the bottom’ of the list because she makes good grades and stays away from boys. Virtues that are good for her, but bad for rankings.

I shivered inside and then found myself extremely angry. As a psychotherapist, I intuitively know that it’s an ongoing battle for girls to overcome feelings of self-worthlessness and inadequacy that can lead to low self-esteem. But as a parent, I was horrified at the thought of anyone ranking my own daughters. And I was equally protective of this sweet, smart, thirteen year old girl who tried to pretend like being ranked last on the list ‘didn’t matter’ when deep down inside, you could see that it did. And how could it not? Teens by nature are prone to be more sensitive and reactive to harsh criticism, especially when it’s an attack on their beauty.

There will be times in our daughters lives where they will be tested and even ridiculed based on their appearance. What can parents do? Talk to your daughter, ask questions, and listen to her responses. While you cannot control what others do, you can stop the behavior before it gets out of control. Our daughter’s self esteem is precious and while parents should never hesitate to get involved if they feel their daughter is being bullied or teased. If you determine that there is a ‘rank’ list at her school, online, or elsewhere, speak up. Notify school officials and insist action be taken against the offending students. “Ranking” is a form of emotional abuse and should not be tolerated. Your daughter deserves to go to school and not be ridiculed or subjected to the cruel behavior of others.

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• Beauty’s Secret by Debra Gano
• Where Does Your Pretty Come From?
• You’re the Parent: Take Charge and Clarify Your Role
• Building Healthy Self-Esteem in Girls
• Girl Drama: Empowering your Daughters