Six Keys to Help Teen Girls Handle Peer Presssure

September 5, 2009 by Administrator
Filed under Behavior & Socializing

By: Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.

iStock_000004232717XSmall

Every day the teen girl in your life faces many decisions. Some are as simple as deciding what to wear and how she will blend in with her peers at school. Others may ultimately be choices between life and death.

Most girls face immense pressure to fit in and to be accepted by the crowd. As a parent standing in the sidelines it is painful and hard to watch. The good news is, whether you have a great relationship with her or not, you can help.

As you read the following tips, keep in mind that many of these suggestions aren’t based on having a deep discussion with the teen in your life. At the same time, if you want to be able to talk with her more, try to find common ground. Don’t just jump into a discussion about her friends. Maybe you both love music, or fashion, or getting outdoors — start there. Acting first, instead of talking, may lend some relief. For example, suggest going to her favorite restaurant, or joining her as she does something she loves. Just remember, it is very, very common for parents to have hot and cold relationships with their kids during their teens years – male or female. Regardless of the temperature of the relationship, the following six tips can be utilized.

Six Keys to Handling Peer Pressure:

1. How does she handle peer pressure now? Start by asking yourself these important questions: Can she think for herself? Can she slow herself down enough to think clearly? Can she disagree with her friends and be okay with it? Can she listen to her gut? Answering these questions will help you sort out where you can be of most help.

2. Remember… she’s watching you. She is never going to tell you she’s watching, but she is. She watches your conversations, reactions, and relationships. Maybe you had a difficult decision to make at work and were the only one who disagreed with the team, but you said so. Let her know and talk about what you did and how it was resolved. Your example will teach her more than you can ever tell her.

3. Teach her how to think for herself. Let her have responsibility and be involved in the decision making. It also means she learns to listen to, and follow her gut. Start with simple things like deciding which movie to go to or how to spend her weekends. When she has a tough decision, like choosing between two favorite activities, help her think it through without giving her the answer.

4. Watch closely for changes in behavior. Pay close attention to what is going on in her life and who she is hanging out with. If you see any major changes in her behavior – from sleeping, dressing, eating, or how much time she spends at home – these could be signs that she is dealing with a lot of peer pressure or other issues, and needs help.

5. Be a good listener. Perhaps the most important tip. The last thing she wants you to do is tell her how to solve her problems. Listen to her and let her know you’re there for her. Try asking open-ended questions that require her to think and answer more than your typical “yes” or “no. For example: What would be the pros or cons or making that choice? Who would it impact the most? What is your gut telling you to do? If you show her you can listen more than talk, she’ll be sure to come back next time she needs to talk or be listened to. Both are good signs

6. Lay Down the Law. Safety always comes first. It’s not always easy to lay down the law and follow through on consequences. If her peers are negatively impacting her and you are fearful for her, don’t be afraid to set the rules and stick to them.

Your daughter needs you. The peer pressure teens face daily weigh heavily on their shoulders and can be consuming. Having you on her side will make all the difference.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. is a mom of two and the founder of Girls with Dreams.com. She is also the author of Powder Box Secrets and the forthcoming Secrets Girls Keep (HCI). www.carriesilverstock.com.