Making New Friends

By: Alyson LaBarge

Change is hard, no matter what your age. Just ask my Mom. And with school starting, our kids have changes o’ plenty happening in their young lives. There is a new time schedule at home for getting up, getting dressed and out the door and a change in the evening routine to include after-school activities and homework. There is a change at school with new teachers, new classrooms, and new curriculum. Most of all, there are new kids and a change often in friends.

Studies have shown that one of the things that cause the highest amount of anxiety among kids at the beginning of the school year is concern over their ability to find and retain friends. So how can we as parents help?

When they were toddlers, we could call up another Mom and arrange a play date. Once the play date arrived, we could manage all of the potential pitfalls and help avoid them. But once they have reached the age where they attend school during the day away from us and our carefully laid-out plans, it becomes more difficult.

The first thing we can do is set the good example at home:

• Help them realize their own strengths.

• Have a sense of humor about ourselves and our shortcomings.

• Listen to them without criticism.

• Be kind, give compliments, wave to friends, open the door for someone else.

• Be understanding of what others are going through by showing empathy.

• Not complaining. Instead, teach our children to accept what can’t be changed by working hard to change the things that can.

By doing these things, we set the groundwork for how to BE a friend.

Does your child have trouble making friends? You might try:

• Enroll them in a special activity after school, such as scouting, a sports team, horseback riding or something else they are interested in. While having fun, they can make new friends and learn new skills at the same time.

• Remember Playgroups and Play dates? Same idea – Have a party for their friends at your house. Involve your child with all the details such as choosing invitations, food and decorations.

• Encourage your child to be friends with everyone at school; have them invite kids over for play dates once a week, no matter what “group” they are in.

Beyond this, be emotionally available for your daughter. Share stories from your childhood. This past year, we had the chance to explain to our eldest daughter why three can be an awkward number for friends and why boys call you names. Her dad and I both listened and were able to validate her feelings. We shared our experiences as kids and helped her to see that she was not alone and we reminded her that no matter what, we loved her.

None of us want our children to feel sad or hurt or be the last one chosen for the team but those things are all a part of growing up. The best thing we can do for them is to help them know how to be sociable and friendly and how to be a friend. The rest will come.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Alyson is mom to 3 unique and gorgeous girls ages 2, 6, & 7. She took a long time gathering her family but 8 + years of infertility, one domestic adoption, one homegrown miracle, and one international adoption later, they are all healthy and happy, living in a small town in North Texas with her husband Brett, a talkative cat and one silly fish. Alyson loves to blog, read, craft, travel, and shop. She began blogging as a way to pass the time waiting for the adoption of daughter #3 to come through and now she is hooked! You can read daily her ramblings at at 3Ps in a Pod.

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