The True Meaning of Thanksgiving

It’s that time of year when you hear the gleeful gobble of turkey’s muffled and stuff your bellies as you sit around the dinner table with family, relatives, and that occasional lost uncle that has suddenly contacted you out of the blue. There are potatoes to mash, stuffing to stuff, and pumpkin pies to bake. In the background, as you stir in that last pinch of salt for the homemade gravy, you can hear the delightful sounds of your kids signing Disney songs and trying to ignore that weird old uncle that has shown up.

Yes, it’s that time of year. And in honor of it, I am throwing a little “Thanksgiving Extravaganza” over here on my little blog this week. Yep, I’m bringing in the turkeys and kicking out the Halloween candy I’ve been eating nonstop.

Today’s daily dose of turkey is what I like to call “The true meaning of Thanksgiving.” I’ve learned it over the past five years of having family dinners with crazy relatives and toddlers screaming for more pumpkin pie. What? Did you think I was gonna get all sentimental on ya? No such luck.

Here’s what I’ve learned about the importance of “paying it forward” at Turkey Time. No, I’m not saying any of this has actually happened to me (ahem, ok, most of it hasn’t) but I’ve seen and heard lots in my day.

1. Be prepared for a cat fight. When lots of family and friends get together, it can be a joyous time. But, let’s not forget that the holidays are arguably the best time for a good ‘ol family slap down. Old feelings arise. Someone feels cheated. Someone gets cheated on. And suddenly, without warning, a disguisting mixture of turkey and mashed potatoes is flying through the air at you.

2. Never run out of stuffing. This is the golden rule of Thanksgiving. Turkey is all about the meal. You can’t have turkey without stuffing and without stuffing there is no turkey. So you see, logically, there is no Thanksgiving without stuffing. And don’t test me on this logic, because my hubby will tell you that the one year we ran out, was his lousiest Turkey Day yet.

3. Staying drunk is actually good for you. Amid all of the hollering relatives, gabbing grandmas, and hoards of kids, there is a place I like to go called “Thanksgiving Happyland.” My Happyland consists of a few glasses of merlot, chardonnay, or whatever else I can get my grubby little hands on as I try to cope with the conversation. And you know what? Drinking a couple of glasses of red wine a day is actually good for your heart. Um, though drinking in excess, um, may not be so great for liver. So try to find some sort of equilibrium that will land you in Thanksgiving Happyland. Believe me, it makes the whole hoopla go much smoother.

4. Plan to lose power.It could happen. I’m just sayin’. And if it does you better make sure you’ve got lots of candles and Walmart hotdogs (yep, they are the only place open Thanksgiving Day) on hand.

5. Behold the Pepto. With lots of kids, young, semi-young, 30ish, and old people eating highly gaseous food, you may want to keep some Pepto on tap. Also keep lots of extra rolls of toilet paper.

6. Don’t let grandma eat too many rum balls. Do I really need to say more?

7. Bring on the sparkling non-alcoholic wine. It’s important to be respectful to guests who do not choose to remain drunk (like myself) so make sure you have several bottles of that fizzy non-alcoholic stuff on tap. It’s also fun to shake the bottle and then open the top, aiming it directly your brother-in-law. Augh, good times.

8. Have a back-up plan. Make sure you know where the nearest fast-food chain is open in the horrific even you burn the turkey, run out of stuffing, or have a huge family food-slinging cat fight. It happens. I swear.

Ok, so I’m a little sarcastic, but honestly, I do love this time of year, and if any of my tips can help you all, then it was worth divulging that stuff about grandma! Happy Thanksgiving!

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