Top 10 Reasons to Take Your Kiddies Out to Eat.

It’s Memorial Day weekend and I was feeling daring. Daring enough to take my three little girls out to eat. I don’t know why I chose to take on this extraordinary challenge except I think it’s important for children to learn how to behave while eating in public – and I didn’t feel like cooking. Just because our usual dinner time resembles something out of Animal House, with monkeys swinging from chair to chair, tossing sweet potatoes at the walls, and drooling all over our new hardwood floors (I know, I’ve really got to stop doing that!) doesn’t mean that we can’t all enjoy a nice evening out as a family every once in a while. Seriously, what in the hell was I thinking?

So, off we went to Joe’s Crab Shack.

Ok, I should explain that Joe’s would not be my first, second, or even third choice, but they have an indoor playground to distract our girls while we wait for our food, so I figured the hubby and I might actually have a shot at a Rated G date or even a Rated PG if we got to actually hold hands. Truth is, I’d be happy if we could both just sit there together chugging cheap wine while our daughters fight over who’s going to go down the slide first. Anyway, all of that wine got me thinking that there are advantages to taking the kids out for a bite. Lots of them.

1. Wine.
2. More wine.
3. A lesson in vocabulary. You get to explain why the waitresses are wearing t-shirts that say “I got my Crab’s at Joe’s.”
4. An opportunity to take pride in your cute kids as they toss chicken tenders at the “perfect” looking family sitting to your right (one day I am just going to walk over to one of those stupid stepford moms and mess up her perfectly tussled updo!).
5. Someone else has to clean up. In particular I’m referring to that disgusting mess your baby has left on the floor under her high chair of smushed peas, soggy nuggets, and sticky drool (oops, that’s me again!). Ok, I’m not that big of a jerk – I did clean up some of it for the waitress.
6. You’ll become a pro at bathroom breaks including (but not limited to) breaks before, during, and after dinner. Naturally, all three children have to go at different times so, really, that’s a total of 9 bathroom trips for tinkling, squatting, and changing stinky diapers.
7. Your food is served hot. You can send your food back to the kitchen to get it reheated – numerous times.
8. Your toddler learns to clean up for herself. You look over to see that your tiny tot prefers the food on the floor to that on her plate. Next time I’m just going to say to the waitress, “Umm, we’d like to order the kids meal that comes right from all of the thousands of disease-ridden microorganisms on the floor, thank you.”
9. They use their manners, sort of. The waitress comes to our table with the food and my 5 year old says a quick “Thank You” and then asks her why “she wants Joe’s Crabs anyway?” Won’t they pinch her? What if they pinch her in the arm? Won’t it hurt? (yeah, it goes back to what’s written on her shirt – see #3 – guess I didn’t explain that one very well!).
10. Your husband flirts with you. You suddenly catch your hubby smiling at you over spilled milk, half-chewed chicken nuggets, piles of soggy sugar packets, and a chorus of voices demanding dessert – subtly reminding you that even though you have something sticky stuck in your hair and your new blouse has fresh apple juice stains on it, “you’ve still got it!” Awww…maybe this will have a Rate R ending!

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